So…I know I already discussed the faith topic but I wanted to talk about my intention at the last sweat lodge we had. Last Saturday, I was honored to participate in an all woman’s Native American sweat lodge ceremony. It was, of course, AMAZING as it usually is. We had 13 woman. All of them strong, powerful, inspiring and uplifting woman. It was the very first time we had used our sweat lodge. We just got it up and running about a month ago. I was LOVING that the first sweat was an all woman’s sweat.

Well, before each sweat you create an intention that you are sending out to God, the universe and your own heart, of something that you want help, understanding and guidance with. Since I have been on this faith kick over the last little while, I decided to take it one step further and really get conscious and aware in every moment of my life. I knew that creating this intention would help with that process. Instead of hoping that I can have faith in regards to many aspects of my life, I was praying that I could have faith that NO MATTER what was happening, I KNEW the present situation was what was meant to be taking place and all was well. I hope that makes sense.

We went on to have an AWESOME sweat where I gained so many insights. I just loved it! Then the next Monday we had our weekly group meeting. This is a really cool place where a group of us get together with an AMAZING medicine man named David (who happens to have a PH.D. in Psychology which is helpful when you are trying to help others emotionally) and we have the opportunity to dig deep into our “issues” and take responsibility for our lives every step of the way. We learn that we are creating or have created the present situations in our lives that we are dealing with or struggling with right now. Let me just say that I LOVE GROUP!! It can be hard at times and even emotionally painful but David’s approach is very Christ centered and I have seen tons of people heal and get clear with his, God’s and loved ones help. It’s like watching GLORIOUS miracles, for many people, right before our eyes on a weekly basis. It has been a blessing for my family and everyone I know who has participated.

Anywho, last week at group I had lots and lots of “issues” come up and rear their ugly head. These were emotions and feelings that I knew had been festering but…it was quite hard and overwhelming to be honest, conscious and present at that moment when I felt hurt. You see, I have loads of pride that I try to hide from the rest of the world. I know, it is hard to believe because I am just so great! (Note the sarcasm in that last sentence) It is VERY hard in group to hold on to that pride because everyone else is seeing all your “stuff.” This is a WONDERFUL blessing because you get to see, on a small scale, that we really are all the same and deal with so many of the same daily fears and phobias. We see that we are all really trying and doing our best with our present cirumstances that we chose to live in. I enjoy reconizing the “oneness” in us all. What is inside me, is also inside you! All the love, peace, joy and happiness right along with all the anger, resentment, sadness, fear and loss. We are all the same!

To make a long story way too long, I finally realized last night that I still couldn’t have faith in the present moment. That all along the way I was fighting and fearing my present situations, instead of trusting and letting go of things about myself that were only making me sick. I do believe that over time, this process can be simple, easy and quick if we just learn the use the love of our Savior as a source for true healing. That even though we feel lost and alone in the space of that pain, that we are all connected and you are no different than anyone else. We are all striving to be loved and find that love for ourselves.

I am now forgiving myself, yet again, for choosing to not let go of something that was no longer serving me or anyone else in my circle of humanity. I know I can do this, I have done it before but this tends to be a bit scarier since I feel this is deep rooted stuff that I have carried since for way too long. As I am forgiving myself and repenting, I am truly grateful for the opportunity of loving my God when I have been in a space of anger toward him. I expected him to make the world a safer place for me and my family. I have blamed him for the choices I have made instead of seeing the love that already exists in our world and creating more of it within me. I am learning to release control and let life lead me. In this space of being led, I accept and hold strong to faith that I am LOVE and I am LOVED and this is all that really matters. What a happy thought. I think I will hold to this one for awhile. I hope you do it right along with me!! Hopefully, next time I will be writing about staying conscious in every moment of life. There is no past or future, the here and now is the only present reality we need be concerned with.