I was recently reading through some of my saved birth sites and found an AMAZING one that I hadn’t spent time reading through. Her name is Robbie Davis-Floyd and her website is VERY educational and teaches so much about so many of the physical and philosophical aspects of pregnancy and birth. Well, I was reading her article titled “Culture and Birth: The Technocratic Imperative” and there is a VERY inspiring quote in it. I want to share it with you all.

“Through the act of controlling birth, we disassociate ourselves with its raw power. Disassociation makes it easier to identify with our “civilized” nature, deny our “savage” roots and connection with indigenous cultures. Birth simultaneously encompasses the three events that civilized societies fear–birth, death, and sexuality.” –Holly Richards, “Cultural Messages of Childbirth: The Perpetration of Fear,” ICEA Journal 7(3):28, May 1993

This quote brought up so many thoughts for me in regards to the current choices we make in all of life, not just birth. Because civilized societies greatest fears are birth, death and sexuality, how has this impacted so many choices we make on a daily basis? Just like all of us who truly want to control birth, are we all going about controlling our lives because of these 3 fears? In my life, I would have to say a HUGE YES to that one.

It has been interesting with me lately because I find that as I move through so much of my emotional, physical and spiritual issues and look honestly at my choices, the MAJORITY of my past choices have been ones based in a place of fear. I think that one of the reasons I find pregnancy and birth to be such a life changing experience is because we are somewhat forced to look at our crap and really decide what we can and will face. There are so many of us who are so scared, even given the opportunity, to face up to what might be inside of us and the really ironic thing about that is that we have TOTALLY created a society where it is SO easy for us to do. Life has become so non-traditional and so FAR AWAY from where we would be living more truth, that is has become almost HUMOROUSLY ridiculous how easy it is for us to really live 60, 70, 80 or even 100 years and NEVER really know ourselves and who we really are.

Lately, I have LONGED to live in a more tribal community where we fully understand ourselves, God, our Creator and Mother Earth. We have become so COMPLETELY disconnectedto each other and most things around us that I am realizing how we all kind of walk around like mummies, never really “getting it” because we so afraid of pain. In childbirth, let us not forget the fear of the pain. So many of us do whatever we can to strive to prevent ourselves from feeling the pain of bringing a new life into this world. Do we do this in our emotional and physical lives as well? Do we push others away and don’t fully let their love in for fear that we will feel pain and sorrow? That maybe we will be rejected or unloved and because we all care SO much about what everyone thinks of us, we let this devastate us to the point where we all have chosen it is no longer worth it to fully let LOVE in for ourselves, for others and in receiving from others. I know I have and am currently still doing that in my life.

But….I had a dear friend recently had a baby. She ended up with a VERY needed C-section and soon thereafter we were discussing her feelings about her birth. She related to me that when they pulled her baby out, she looked at her and realized it was her child but was having the hardest time feeling fully bonded to her daughter, like she had to her other children after they were born. Her conclusion was that it had something to do with not being able to feel the labor pains that are normally felt during the birth process. She felt that feeling that pain and going through the whole process of childbirth somehow helped her feel more bonded and loving toward her baby. I found this very intriguing. I am sure there are some kind of studies done at this point on this very subject and I recognize that this may not be the case for everyone who had a child though c-section but for her it was VERY real and she felt the difference between the births.

My question then is….is it worth the pain that might come from loving to let love in? Recently when I was processing at our group, I was releasing some STRONG emotions in regards to my Dad’s death. He died when I was thirteen and as you can imagine, it was DEVASTATING to me. I was working on connection with Chris and trying to understand why I wouldn’t let him FULLY love me the way he wanted to. I longed for feeling loved by him and because I believe we create our current situation in life, I believed that it was me holding back from feeling his love. I proceeded to cry and found that I couldn’t let his love in as much as I wanted because I was so afraid of him dying. I was disconnecting and actually using anger to not have to feel his love for me. As I was sitting there crying, David looked at me and said, “But…Rachel what if he did die and you knew you never let his love in or never loved him fully? Would you be happy then?” It was like this brick being thrown right at me. It hit me in the chest but I then understood what it meant to face our fears of pain, birth, death and sexuality because when we FACE them and let ourselves feel past grievances and sorrows, only then can we be more present in our current life and be LOVED and LOVE as compassionately as we possibly can. I would just like to add that because of my current beliefs, NONE of this can be done without the help of our Creator and Father. “Charity never faileth” and the reason is because it is a gift and it come through the LOVE of our Savior through us, to all about us!! I have felt it as I pray for it and move past my fears that are holding me back.

Sorry if today’s post kind of seems like a ramble. I just wanted and felt I should get some thoughts out there. I think it is so great when I read something like this and I feel so impressed with thought and ideas. I hope it doesn’t feel to boring to my few readers here. I hope it might shed some life into your current life and the choices you might be making. I pray that all of us can make choices that help us move past our fears, that we can open our hearts and minds to new and truthful ideas that will help to make the world a better place. I know I say that A LOT but I pray everyday that my actions will help to make the world a better place. Just like Gandhi I pray that I can “Be the change I want to see in the world.”

Now for the eating stuff. The other night at group I had an AMAZING processing session. I released more in that night than I think I had released in my life. I am back to doing the all fruit and greens, no fat or salt diet and feeling great again. On Monday, which is the night we have group, I had done a lot of juice (fresh from Allred’s stand) and mixed it with my Vitamineral green powder I love so much!! I think this prepared me for the processing to come that night. I had eaten only peaches and watermelon, along with the juice, that day. I was feeling really good but knew I have some negative emotional stuff I wanted to get rid of and I felt I was emotionally and physically ready. It was HUGE guys, let me tell ya!! It was AWESOME! I wish you all could have seen it.

Well, I knew I was doing some MAJOR cleansing because of the emotional release and the dietary changes. In fact, the coolest part of about it was when I was done I had brought up so much I actually started vomiting. I know that doesn’t really sound cool but to me I was so glad because I could tell I have moved MASSIVE amounts of unwanted and unneeded energy. I just LOVE it when that happens. It just frees me up to feel more love for myself and others. I feel the Light shine through me and I feel so much more peaceful in my world. Isn’t that great? Everyone can jump up and down and feel as excited as I do.

Yesterday because of the AWESOME cleansing, I fasted with water until late last evening I ate a bowl of peaches. I still would like to try a short water fast soon. I feel my body is longing for it and when the right time arrives, I will do it. I am excited for that.

So…today I haven’t had much to eat.
2 cups of fresh apple juice
8 peaches

I think Chris and I are going to go to Tucano’s to eat tonight. WE have a coupon and he LOVES it. I go and eat the fruit and salad bar. It is YUM-O!!!!

I think I need to take some kind of writing class because I feel I didn’t fully communicate well enough on feelings in regards to our fears. One last thought I had though was that there is an EXCELLENT book called, “The Ways and Power of Love” by C. K. Allen that explain what I mean quite well. I read the book years ago but I think it might be time to pull it out and read it again. I highly recommend to those interested.

That’s all for today. Oh, I hope everyone loved the burn pictures. Aren’t they AWESOME?

Abundant peace to all,