So….I have been emotionally eating.
This year has been HUGE in regards to moving through some pretty strong energy and false beliefs. This time my eating has been so bad that I have been binging on some cooked foods. Can you believe it? I have been grateful for the experience though. I have been learning so much about the raw food diet and why I am eating it. Nothing new just different insights. It has been somewhat ironic to me because as of about a week ago, I was eating and feeling, physically, better than I ever have. Well, I should say that when I am “cleansing”, I am not feeling too hot. But with how I have been eating over the past year or so, what I have eaten for the past week has been SOOOOOO out of the loop for me. I have eaten things like corn tortillas, slightly grilled veggies, sprouted wheat tortillas and even a couple slices of sprouted wheat bread. I think that is pretty much it. I eat all raw during the day but for the past 5 days, when evening comes I end up succumbing to eating something that I know isn’t ideal for my body or where I want to be physically.

I know it doesn’t sound like that big of a deal but last time I ate anything even remotely cooked was when I first came out of the hospital 2 1/2 years ago. Because of my HUGE amounts of pride, I actually considered not writing about it on my blog. I wanted to try to keep this raw food facade I had and have made for myself. That I was some great raw foodist. What a joke eh? I truly have eaten an all raw diet for 5 years but have had moments here and there where either I want to try something to experiment with how my body will react to it or I am emotionally eating. I think there have been only a handful of times in the past 5 years that I have done it. But….I felt the need to share with others so I could break any false beliefs about myself I might have thrown out there.

To be completely honest, the whole situation has been OVERWHELMINGLY weird for me. I am trying to really wrap my head around the strong food addictions that are still so present in my emotional psyche. It’s kind of funny because I vacillate between being grateful for the deep emotional baggage I am bringing forth and being able to work on and feeling completely down trodden because in some way I am letting myself down or even others. Can you believe it?

Some of the things I have learned is I DO NOT like the way I feel and look with the way I am currently eating. With my previous diet, my nails for the first time in my life, were growing long and strong. Just with 5 days of dehydrating my body with the cooked food, I have already had 3 nails break from becoming too brittle. Then morning fatigue is another side effect I am not appreciating. Oh, and I have also learned that emotionally eating (well I think I have already learned this before but now it is on a deeper level) doesn’t EVER do the trick. I am hoping to feel better by eating what I really want but then find it to be a vicious cycle because I don’t feel as good as I normally do so then I emotionally eat more. See the cycle here!! I am sure many of my readers have already figured this scenario out but I am a slow learner.

Another aspect of my learning is that even when you are not eating as ideally as you might like, you can still be so grateful for the food and puts LOADS of love into it and it almost transform the food into being MUCH easier to digest. I know that sounds a bit wacky but I TOTALLY believe it. Imagine as a child when your mom makes you those Chocolate Chip cookies you love so much. When you get home from school they are there waiting for you with milk. You know with the VERY first bite HOW MUCH your Mom loves you. I absolutely believe this can make a HUGE difference into how well we digest and assimilate it. The times when I was feeling lousy about choosing to eat something that I normally don’t eat guaranteed I felt sicker after eating it. But….when I decided I was going to go ahead and eat it and LOVE it and ENJOY it to the fullest, the effects that I might have felt previous never become present. My final consensus is that when we choose to eat something that we know is not “great” for us, we might consider finding love for our food with the hopes that we can find peace all around. If we are educating ourselves and striving to listen and hear what our body and spirit is saying, we can then hopefully move through any eating that we might be doing because of emotional feelings.

I am now back to eating like I want to and how I feel best. I am going to do a green smoothie cleanse for the next week. If there is anyone interested in doing it with me, I would LOVE it!!! Right now, I need all the help I can get! I am feeling quite lost and confused in LOTS of aspects of my life. I feel I am letting go of so much and really finding who I truly am. I am grateful for the opportunity to humble myself and turn my heart to God. I need His help MOST of all!! But…feeling loved and supported by others is VERY important too!! I am SO grateful to all my friends and loved ones who stick by me through thick and thin and let me know that no matter how low I may feel, they are there to help lift and inspire me. Thank you dear ones!!

This is all for tonight. Thanks you everyone for being my continuous readers. I feel LOVED!!

Abundant peace to you all,