I want to share how OVERWHELMED I am by the respond from my last post. I was VERY surprised. I was concerned that I might be judged or misunderstood but found people to be the exact opposite. I have learned so much just through this experience. I felt loved in a place where I was feeling down about myself and some of my current choices. It felt GREAT to know that even in my humanness and weaknesses that people would still LOVE and ACCEPT me. I have had a hard time loving and accepting this part of myself. It is SO WONDERFUL to think that if others can love and accept me in these choices, then I definitely can love and accept myself. I think want to thank EVERYONE who responded and send words of support and compassion. I can’t truly express in words how much it meant to me. So….thank you my fellow brothers and sisters!!

Chris and I needed to take a last minute trip back east to purchase more cars for our little business. I have had time this morning to ponder and pray upon a few thoughts I had during and after reading my scriptures. I was reading in The Book of Mormon in Alma 29 where Alma is rejoicing in the Lord and the power of repentance and redemption. There was a particular scripture which spoke to my Soul and I wanted to post it here for you. It can be found in Alma 29:4-5.

“I ought not harrow up in my desires, the firm decree of a just God, for I know that he granteth unto men according to their desires, whether it be unto death or unto life; yea, I know that He allotteth unto men, yea, decreeth unto them decrees which are unalterable, according to their wills, whether they be unto salvation or unto destruction.

Yea, and I know that good and evil come before all men; he that knoweth not good from evil is blameless; but he that knoweth good and evil, to him it is given according to his desires, whether he desireth good or evil, life or death, joy or remorse of conscience.”

I have read this scripture I don’t know how many times but this time it struck me. I firmly believe that we create our current situation throughout all of life. Whatever we see in our present existence is what we have choose for ourselves, whether to learn from or find joy and happiness in. I say, “to learn from” because I have found that once I choose to become a true disciple of Christ, by recognizing the need for utilizing the repentance process on a daily basis, I no longer feel the desire to be stuck in my unhappy state. If I choose to look at my unhappy state and long for the desire of my Creators LOVE in my life, then I choose to look at that situation as learning ground of how I have moved away from what the Lord would have me be.

I was reading on in chapter 30 about Korihor and who he was. As it states, he was the anti-Christ and was preaching to the people that there was no Christ. I found it interesting at the end of the chapter, that Kohihor is given the sign he requested by being struck dumb and then others are motivated to make any changes that need be to once again turn their hearts to Christ. As I was praying on this matter, I was questioning the Lord about why, it seems, fear must be used to aid in bringing about a change of heart for his sons and daughters.

I was outside on the lawn of our hotel smoking our pipe. I was looking around at the beautiful trees and listening to the sounds of life all around me. It wasn’t long ago that I realized that of all the living species on earth, human beings are the only ones who do not inherently follow all of God’s laws. All other life obeys His will for them and follows the measure of their creation at his command. It isn’t until humans become involved in the change or even derangement of God’s makings that we find His laws might then be thwarted by that particular species.

As I pondered this idea of fear, some of my first thoughts were that of the AMA or even our government. Over the past several years, I have come to understand that fear is a VERY good tactic to control the masses. A great example of this would be Adolf Hitler and the control he took over people and countries because he instilled fear into their hearts.

I must just say that as I have learned how to better ponder and pray upon questions and ideas that I might have, I have found the EXTREME and UTTER little I actually know. But…I believe that there are MANY things in our current lives that can be used for good or bad. An example of that would be television. There are MANY educational and uplifting shows that can be watched on TV but as we know, we can also become addicted to it and waste away our lives spending and over abundance of time in front of it when we could be doing something more productive. The computer is the same way.

I believe God uses fear to aid in our motivation of turning our hearts to him because we choose to be taught in this manner. It states in a later chapter in Alma 32:16-17.

“Therefore, blessed are they who humble themselves without being compelled to be humble; or rather, in other words, blessed is he that believeth in the word of God, and is baptized without stubbornness of heart, yea, without being brought to know the word, or even compelled to know, before they will believe.

Yea, there are many who do say: If thou wilt show unto us a sign from heaven, then we shall know of a surety: then we shall believe.”

I can tell you that up until the present moment 99% of the time, I have been “compelled” to be humble. Just like the verse in chapter 29 tells us, we choose what we want and how we want to learn in this life. If we choose to learn by being “compelled” or by “being afraid”, then God will use this tactic because he LONGS to have our hearts turn to Him. Throughout all of the Book of Mormon, God is “compelling” the people because of their hard heartedness and wickedness and inability to truly repent. This is why, in my opinion, God uses SO much fear throughout the scriptures. We are choosing to learn this way instead of using faith and repentance to bring about the connection with God, which I believe is inherently inside all of us.

Alma goes on in the next several verses discussing what faith is and how it is NOT the perfect knowledge of something and how we apply it in our lives. He is teaching what we need to look for and gives us exactly what we will see in order to find the good in something. These next few verses are some of my favorite verses in the Book of Mormon. They have helped me SO MANY times when I find something which I think is good but need help from the Lord to discern if it truly is or not.

Alma is discussing how faith is like a seed that when planted and is a good seed will grow and flourish but we must FIRST experiment upon the teachings of what the good is, in order to find the truth of it or not. He states in starting in Alma 32:27-28

“But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to Swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves-It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to Enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to Enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be Delicious to me.”

Now the COOLEST part about this scripture is that what the Spirit of the Lord does in regards to the feelings and sensations we receive, actually spells the word SEED!! My sister learned his technique on her mission and passed it along to me. Thanks Kimmy!! This is how I remember when I am wanting to know the truth and goodness of something new I might be searching to understand.

S=Swells within our breast
E=Enlargeth our souls
E=Enlightens our minds
D=it becomes Delicious to us!!

The part I find quite interesting about that scripture is that it almost sounds like we might fight something that might be good by “casting it out.” I was wondering if we might do that because we feel afraid. Here again we have fear playing a part in our learning and progression. The way I see it, our current knowledge and understanding or even one step further, our misguided judgments might make it harder, if not almost impossible, to see the good and truth in something. We then would hinder ourselves on our path to light and wisdom which would bring us closer to God.

Again, this takes me back to our own creative power in our lives. I believe that there are no mistakes, only paths to or from our Creator and his infinite LOVE!! We can choose to disregard something that might be good and of God because of our own present understanding. I have found that sometimes when I find something to be good but have turned away from it, it is because good brings out the light of God within us all. Sometimes we hold ourselves back from His light for fear of his acceptance and LOVE!! I do believe, and have recently gained faith in, the fact that God LOVES us all no matter what choices we may be making. His only desire for us to relearn how to FULLY connect with Him and be always FULLY conscious and present with all our choices so they will only reflect his LOVE in all things.

As I am learning how to really repent and seek forgiveness in my life, I have found that in order to truly let God’s love and acceptance in, I must first let go of the negative emotions, beliefs, and energy that have kept me from His love. I have found this can be painful at times. This is why, I believe, there might be times when I can recognize on some level, that something might be good but turn my heart and understanding from it. Because if I recognize and see the goodness in it, then I might just have to “let go” of a something negative which I had believed was really serving me. But….as I learn to let go of it and repent for it and then place it at my Savior’s feet, my heart and my mind become more open and responsive to the good and truth I maybe didn’t see before.

I hope what I have written here makes sense. I am sure not all will agree but I feel the information I have received here, for me, is of God and I felt inspired to share it with you all.

So….onto the diet situation. I have been pondering and praying A LOT about my current diet choices. I am still deciding exactly where I am at and what is best for me, at the present moment. I am actually learning that I was still eating a raw foods diet, MOSTLY out of fear. I do believe the raw food in my life is truly a gift from God. I am finding that even though it is a gift, when life becomes hard, like is has been lately, and I may fall off the bandwagon, all my faith that God will still keep me healthy and strong goes DOWN the drain. Why wouldn’t he? Am I not striving to be a true disciple of Christ and fully utilize the atonement on a daily basis?

I believe that God knows where I am at and understands the need to completely decipher my present choices and beliefs. I also believe that God LOVES me enough to still take care of me even when it seems I am making choices that might go against my education on a certain subject, like raw foods. I have known for years that there are SO many other factors that play into our health other than just physical but…it seems this insight is just barely creeping into understanding.

So….since I am on this trip, I have decided to put off the green smoothie cleanse. I am planning on doing one within the next week or so. For those who were interested in doing it with me, keep me posted of when might work for you!!

You know, I will be real honest, I am really having a hard time finding the desire to go back to 100%. I still drink green smoothies everyday and actually don’t eat anything cooked (if I do eat anything cooked that day) until dinner time. Like the other day, I ate some of my powdered green drink with apple juice for breakfast, then for lunch I had about a quart and a half of green smoothies, and then dinner was a sprouted wheat tortilla with olive oil, chopped spinach, soaked dulse, sliced tomatoes, and fresh basil. I must admit, it was DELICIOUS!!

I figure when the time is right for me, I will feel it and just jump back on the bandwagon of 100% raw again. But…I am learning how much I dislike the labels we give each other. It prevents us from really feeling the love and strength of others because of our judgments. Once the labels are placed, our mind instantly places that person a little box that holds back or even makes stronger any deep connection we might make with that person. Depending on if our judgment of that label is “good or bad”. I have found that the closer I strive to understand the life of my Creator, the more my heart softens and I understand others choices. I find there is no box I put them in, just openness in trying to understand who they really are and love them in that place. I hope that I can get better and better at this. I find life is MUCH more peaceful when God’s grace works with me in this manner.

I hope this doesn’t disappoint anyone that I have still eaten some cooked food. Some of the responses I had about the last post were similar to my same feelings about not being a strict with their raw diets right now. Others just felt that they were also going through so much emotionally, that staying on an all raw diet was just too tough for them at the moment. I have one friend who can feel how raw food really opens her up and she finds it is too much emotionally. She feels much better when she incorporates some cooked to keep her a bit more balanced at this time in her life. This is why I feel it is VITAL that when we decide to incorporate more raw foods, especially if you are considering an all raw diet, that emotional processing and energy work play a large part, along with the physical changes. I hope everyone understands that I ABSOLUTELY believe an all raw diet IS the healthiest way to eat. I am sure that in the near future I will feel more of a need to move back into that space of eating all raw. I am just having FUN with life right now and doing what I can to let go of control and fear and finding the faith I need to own who I really am and what I stand for. My hope is that I can stand for PEACE and LOVE and GENTLENESS and UNDERSTANDING with ourselves and others. I have found that as I have made these dietary choices, it has made it easier for me to truly decide why and how I want to apply raw foods in my life. I do feel very blessed to be going through this and am striving to gather in all the wisdom from my friends, like all of you, so I can know that I have made a conscious and LOVING choice with whatever I put into my mouth.

It is such a blessing that I am married to a VERY balanced man. He has helped me SO MUCH to put these things into perspective. When I get down on myself for what I had eaten or am feeling like a failure, he helps me see the reality of the situation and understand that life IS NOT about food. Life is about finding God, joy, peace and LOVE!!! Do I believe that eating organic food directly from Mother Earth, with it’s high vibration, can assist us in receiving all of those things, of course!!! But…Chris helps me understand that what I am eating is still FREAKISHLY healthy!! That I can be gentle with myself and let myself feel loved, at times, when I need to feel it through eating foods that I might not normally eat. I find it interesting though that whenever I eat anything cooked, my heart is just SO MUCH MORE grateful for it then it would have EVER been in the past. I shouldn’t say it is just with cooked foods but all foods.

I was talking with a friend on the phone the other day who has been going through similar issues. She has found she is finding so MUCH joy in all the organic, local produce. She was telling me how she was getting all kinds of SCRUMPTIOUS foods from her garden and from local farmers. She couldn’t believe that by being conscious of this choice to be more conscious of where her food was coming from, really filled her heart with LOVE and SERENITY for Mother Earth and God. She is seeing all the gifts in these foods that they are giving her. I was so happy for her. She is moving through some deep emotional issues also and feels just seeing the beauty in all around her, helped her find the peace she is looking for. I must say, I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with her. I am grateful for our conversation. It uplifted my spirits and I also thanked God for these gifts.

I think I have officially just babbled this whole post. It may not be as exciting as the last but I hope everyone will still comment. I just LOVED that so many stepped forward and really shared their deep feelings about themselves. WE were all vulnerable and in that space we all found that we truly are all the same. We are all ONE!! We are connected through the power of LOVE!!!

Abundant peace to all,