I think it is that time again for another post. Has it been long enough? I figured that last one was SOOOOO long, I wanted to give enough time for everyone to read it. I actually had enough time, since I was out of town, to write some deep stuff that I had been pondering about. Sometimes I don’t post because I just don’t know what to write about that would be interesting to others. But…I have been REALLY excited because so many people have been posting comments and I LOVE it! It does make it more FUN for me to know how what I am going through relates to others. I truly have learned SO much from the comments and emails I have received about what I have written.

This year has been a HUGE growth experience for me. Some of my deepest core issues/beliefs have been hit. It sometimes feels like a tidal wave is enveloping me as I strive to stay close to my Creator to find peace and joy.

Recently, there was post from a Yahoo group I am in. The discussion was on receiving from God and what that might look like. A friend of mine made a comment that she believed that God doesn’t always answer our prayers or give us what we might asking for. This really got me to thinking if I felt that was true for me or not. I decided it wasn’t so…I wanted to post here what I my response was. I would LOVE to get feedback on these thoughts just like I have the others. Of course, I am still learning and have TONS to learn and feel grateful every time I get a different response that gets me to thinking even more and really digging to find the truth in it all.

Here it is:

Kara,
I must very lovingly disagree with you here. I ABSOLUTELY believe that God gives us whatever we ask for. But…I do believe that it may not look like what we expect it to because it is our creative power, joined with His, moving it into action. To have God not give us what we ask for would take away our own creative power of learning, progression and growth, along with our personal free agency.

As parents, we are not God’s and do not fully understand as God does, as I am sure you already know. The only reason I do believe that God gives us everything we ask for is because he does say, “ask and ye shall receive” and we know he doesn’t lie. And as I look back on my life and what I have prayed for I see that God has truly given me EVERYTHING I have asked for. I have recently realized though that sometimes what I ask for and the way I ask for it DOES NOT come in the form I might think it should come.

Here are a few examples of what I mean. I am in no way trying to create controversy here, just food for thought. I have throughout the years asked God to help me understand my weaknesses and one of them I have learned is vanity. Until recently, I don’t think I realized how vain I really am. Well, about 7 years ago I was very overweight and was desperately striving to lose weight. I was praying that God would show me ways that I might lose the weight quickly and effectively. I did not feel happy in my current body type and felt I would feel better about myself if I were thinner. Soon thereafter, I ended up in the emergency room with a bowel torsion and was in the hospital with an NG tube for 2 weeks. In that time, I couldn’t eat with the result being that after a month, I lost 20 lbs.

Now, did my current life choices help to create my hospital stay? I absolutely believe so but…I know that God heard my prayer and desired for my growth and ultimate connection to Him and was willing to let it come in any way, shape or form it needed to.

I do believe that God aided in giving me what I asked for in regards to giving me full free agency to letting me choose in what manner I desire to grow and find Him. But…my personal belief is also that we create everything we want and with His grace and love, we can choose to learn and grow from our experiences or turn away from Him let them devastate us and turn us further away from Him. If I have something I desire or do not have something I desire in my life, it is because I choose it. If you read the story of Job, even though Satan worked at bringing him down to the depths of despair, we know that Job states “For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.” Job 3:25

This verse somewhat solidified to me our own creative power over our own lives. As our hearts turn to God for comfort and peace, He teaches us what ways we might more productively and effectively turn our hearts to Him through our life’s experiences. I feel this is the purpose of own physical bodies. Without them, we can’t fully have the needed experiences for the connection to God we are searching for. It was a overwhelming feeling to recognize my creative power in my near death experience. But…what an OVERWHELMING blessing that with God’s help, I could choose to learn in all kinds of different ways through all kinds of different experiences.

I have learned that once I realized my thoughts will create my current life, I no longer feel the need to be in control of what I think or even my current surroundings that I disapprove of in my life. I just strive to listen and understand the thoughts entering, and only with God’s grace can I discern the path I might need to take to aid in whatever growth or progression I might want to forward and for me, that is always a deeper connection with my God and Savior. So….I am willing to let life come as it may so I can learn from my experiences to one day truly be a loving and serving disciple of Christ. This is my ultimate hearts desire. There is my 2 cents on the subject. Isn’t it great how we can all learn from each other? I have been very grateful for this group and what I have learned from each person who has taken the time and energy to share their thoughts and insights with us all.
Abundant peace, Rachel
I am still trying to figure it all out but writing this was kind of cool because I felt like these ideas were coming and I was able to verbalize (or write them) better than I might have been able to in the past. This is DEFINITELY a situation where I am sure what I was writing was more for my learning than for Kara’s. I think it is so AWESOME when that happens. Lately, I have some deep guilt issues that have come to the surface. I am AMAZED how many things I feel guilty about. Last week, I actually got sick. I am not sure what I had or what name to give it but I was running a really high fever. That was pretty much my only symptom. That night, I asked Chris to give me a blessing and in it he stated that my sickness had NOTHING to do with my current eating habits. (of course, my raw brain tells me that since I am eating more cooked foods, I am now getting sick) He stated that the Lord had been striving to connect and speak to me but because of my guilt and fear, I was not letting His LOVE in. I KNEW it was true!!

Then on Saturday, I went and taught a class at Linda Black’s Yoga retreat!! Becky and I were teaching together. I was reminded that guilt and shame are the 2 lowest vibrating emotions. DUH!!! Something I already knew but was finally clicking for me. It was one of those “lights coming on” moments. Of course, I was sick!! I was choosing to vibrate at an extremely low level hence letting in all kinds of crap instead of opening up to the LOVE of my Creator and others.

I was SO grateful for this experience. I feel refreshed and more connected and open since the going through it. I asked forgiveness for not letting my Savior in and keeping my heart hard instead of softening and connecting to all about me.

I am still hitting some core diet issues. I am learning that I would like to move past living in absolutes. Especially when it comes to my diet. That all of something is good and that anything else is bad. Living with these thoughts has only aided in producing more guilt and shame. I am realizing my perspective on so many ideas is SEVERELY skewed merely because of how I choose to see it. I can quickly see things differently when I strive to maintain balance and keep love in my heart. When I remove myself from the space of acceptance, understanding and compassion with myself and my current choices, I leave myself WIDE open to so many other thoughts and ideas that are really only making my life harder. I am choosing to strive to make my life easier and, once again, more loving with myself and others.

Any who, these are just some of the things that I have been going through lately. I won’t wait so long to post next time.

Abundant peace to all,

Rachel