I have been thinking about sacrifice lately. What is sacrifice? Is there a need for sacrifice? If I do choose to sacrifice, what am I sacrificing for? As you can imagine, with our current situation, sacrificing seems to be the order of the day. I wonder if sacrifice is too harsh of a word.
When I think of the word sacrifice, I think of things being HARD. Of things feeling HARD. Of not being able to be happy in this place of sacrifice. A kind of joyless experience of releasing and letting go. I appreciate that not everyone feels this way about the word but those are the thoughts that it conjures up for me.
Another word. SUBMISSION! What is the difference between sacrifice and submission? I googled both words and there are several definitions for each. I’ve decided to take the definitions and combine them with my feelings and emotions that are conjured up inside me when I apply both words into my life.
As I have already stated before, one of the reasons for this move was/is for personal growth. We have felt the need to “sacrifice” things, thoughts, behaviors….with the hopes we can and will become better people. Not that we don’t currently love ourselves, just the way we are. But we feel this pull…this tugging…that we can do and be MORE! That we can change in deeper and more powerful ways as to bring about good in our lives and even the lives of all around us. VERY idealistic, I know. This is where we are at though.
With that being said, I came here feeling this need to “sacrifice”. To dreadfully, wearily, half heartily, even painfully give up things, thought and behaviors, I had grown accustomed to. That it HAD to be hard. It HAD to feel hard. And most importantly, it was/is going to be HARD!
Now we move onto “submission”. I’ll be honest. Making this change has felt HARD! Has felt OVERWHELMING! Has, at times, felt UNBEARABLE! It was during a day when I was feeling all those feelings that the word submission came into mind. Or to submit to something.
Submission feels more relaxed to me. Submission flows. Submission feels light and airy. Submission is and can be easy.
So, my conclusion. Submission is finding the PURPOSE in sacrifice and adding a bit of acceptance to it. Or better written:
PURPOSE in sacrifice + complete ACCEPTANCE= SUBMISSION
AAAAAAHHHHH! It doesn’t feel hard now. It doesn’t feel overwhelming. It doesn’t even feel unbearable. It DEFINITELY doesn’t feel undoable.
Yesterday my insight came. Of course…in the New Testament.
“And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.”
~St. Luke 18:27
Whatever religious affiliation you are….take it as you will. But for me, this was MY answer and it came in the form of submission. Lovingly, happily, joyfully, and most important PEACEFULLY submitting.
Go ahead and read St. Luke chapters 16 through 20….or even further if you want. I found pure bliss in these chapters yesterday and hope you will too!
I must add here a deep THANK YOU for all the support of all of you who took the time to write me back and give you advice. It meant more than I think you can ever know. I had hit the low of the low and your love has now send me back to where I have needed to be.
Abundant peace to all,
Rachel