I have a friend who asked me to post my experiences and opinions on co sleeping. We have co slept with ALL of our children. Granted, with our first pregnancy, we did what most first time parents do and set up the crib (which I sewed all the blankets, bumpers, pillows, and valances) and bedroom for our baby to sleep in after delivery. But our plan was, most definitely, thwarted and the LOVE we felt for our newest arrival.
I distinctly remember looking down at this brand new tiny being and realizing there was NO WAY IN HELL he was ever going to leave my site. Whether it was during the day or night. I was TOTALLY and COMPLETELY in LOVE in every possible way. I was not about to disconnect myself, in any way, from this vulnerable life whom I intuitively knew, needed my presence ALL THE TIME. Especially during the night!
Once we made the conscious decision that, YES….we were one of those freaky parents who let their kids sleep in their bed, we enjoyed absolutely EVERY minute of it. In fact, we would NEVER want it any other way again. Even my husband adores sleeping with our little ones. My sister recently told me of how they when moved their daughter out of their bed and into a play pen, still in their room next to their bed, and her sweet husband was choked up about seeing their daughter leave their bed. So Loving!
So let me tell you how co sleeping has worked in our home. Now when we started co sleeping, it was 16 years ago. People have become MUCH more understanding of co sleeping and its benefits. It was really hard for my Mom to understand since her and my father had made an agreement that NO kids were to enter the bedroom which meant that the concept of co sleeping was VERY new to my husband and I.
I had done enough research to actually purchase a guard rail to place on my side of the bed. The first few nights after Dean’s birth, we placed Dean between Chris and I. When I first started reading about co sleeping, the fear of rolling over on your baby was combated with the argument that you learn to not roll off the bed. Its instinctual. Not rolling over on your baby is also INSTINCTUAL! Very instinctual for women but I’ve learned to believe not so instinctual for men.
After a few nights of placing Dean between Chris and I, one night I awoke abruptly only to sit up and see Chris in the beginning processes of rolling over onto Dean. I hurried and pushed him back to how he was laying and gathered up Dean. I moved Dean over to the other side of me, between me and the guard rail, and never again did one of our babies spend the whole night between Chris and I in bed. It was a WONDERFUL learning experience for me.
I think co sleeping had so many WONDERFUL advantages that any disadvantage just doesn’t measure up. But, I do think there is a SAFER way to co sleep and that is with the use of a guard rail or even Arms Reach Co Sleeper which I had heard LOTS of good things about though I’ve never tried myself.
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When we started having children, we slept in a full bed. Yes, it was quite tight for the 3 of us but I would NEVER take back the time spent in bed with my dear, sweet husband and my newest tiny addition. I have so many memories of cuddling, bonding and connecting with each baby while Chris and I laid in AWE of our most RADIANT creation.
When using a guard rail, I believe purchasing a rail that folds and bends is the easiest to use. If you notice on the picture below, the rail fits behind the bed frame and sits snug against the bed. Also, the hinges on the bottom corners of the rail, you’ll see that you can actually lift and fold the rail back to make it easier to pick baby up. This is similar, if not exact, to the types of rails we used with all 5 of our kids. You can purchase more high tech ones like the Safety 1st Secure Lock Bed rail.
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I see night time parenting being JUST as important as daytime parenting. We want to live in this nice prepackaged world where our babies come fully equipped to sleep all night every night. I see this as a beautiful ideal but truthfully not reality. Unfortunately, babies/newborns sleep patterns tend to be the opposite of ours. They like to be nice and sleepy ALL day long and then wide eyed and bushy tailed when your ABSOLUTELY exhausted.
This is where co sleeping fits right in AMAZINGLY! I was always surprised at the women who thought I was just CRAZY because I slept with my babies. I gotta be honest here, I think women who are willing to fully wake themselves up, put on a robe or excess clothing, proceed to walk into a WHOLE other room and the sit down FULLY awake to breast feed your newborn for the half an hour and hour that it takes is CRAZY, but that’s just my opinion! But Seriously….Who wants to do that? Mind you, I think you are courageous, strong women but doing that is not my idea of making sure my baby and I get the BEST nights sleep possible. That’s my GOAL in our home.
Not only does co sleeping afford you the opportunity to bond 24/7 with the new life in your family, it gifts you the ability to stay close to baby. I know, as mothers and women, we are constantly concerned for the well being of our families, co sleeping…for us…meant I felt safer knowing I was watching and staying as close to my baby as possible.
There has been so EXCITING new research into the world of SIDS and co sleeping. I do agree that co sleeping could prevent SIDS just because of the mere approximation you have to your baby. Your ability to watch sleep patterns and keep close to your baby. I do believe though that its the touching, cuddling and closeness that actually keeps babies nervous system and body functions going, as Moms body helps to keep babies body regulated.
For those who are wondering how long our babies sleep in our beds and when we finally move them out…the answer is….when THEY are ready. We haven’t had a child yet who wants to stay in our bed longer than 3 years. And their usually already half moved into their siblings rooms BEFORE their 3rd birthday. But we just don’t make a big deal out of it.
In our home, what happens is the older kids WANT to sleep with their younger brother and sister. I have decided that sleeping together creates a tight knit bond between you and those you touch, lay by and take comfort with during the night. I have seen it with me and my children and my children with each other.
Once our children start talking about wanting to be a ‘BIG’ kid and sleep with an older sibling, we start gently making space for them to do so. With Dean, our oldest, we tried moving him out at only a year old. After he lunged his whole body off the top of his crib and actually caused himself physical pain not to be separated from us, we knew he wasn’t ready. Instead, we went ahead and moved his crib mattress onto our floor. We moved our own bed mattress onto the floor and we created a NICE, LARGE family bed. We ALL LOVED it!
Our first 2 boys stay in that bed until they were ready to stay in their own room next to ours. That happened when Golden, our youngest at the time who was about 2, decided it was time and they were big boys and they wanted their own room with their own bed. It was a MOMENTOUS moment in our home. I will NEVER forget it. I cried. But was HAPPY that they were growing up.
We’ve found moving our younger children into the rooms of our older children, when they felt ready, was the easiest and best format for us. Our kids are EXCITED about being one of the big kids and the older kids have been waiting for their littlest sibling to share a bedroom with. Its seems to have worked our perfectly each and every time we’ve left the decision making up to them INSTEAD of us. THEY know when they feel safe enough in their world to leave the “bedroom nest.”
I will let the articles I’ve posted below speak for the rest of the WONDERFULNESS of co sleeping. It is something that I would NEVER change or do it differently. My sleep and the sleep and safety of my baby were of utmost importance to me. These were really the only reasons I started co sleeping. It wasn’t until I tried it for myself that I saw ALL the other AWESOME benefits!
I do believe that because of co sleeping and night time parenting, me, my husband and our children have a deeper, more enriched connection that we might not have without sharing a bed. I see co sleeping as an avenue to truly understanding your baby, yourself and life as a new parent. Nighttime parenting affords opportunities for quiet growth for all parties involved and in my world,…..connection, comfort, trust, peace and LOVE rank highest on the list.
In Peace,
Rachel
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Scientific Benefits of Co-Sleeping
Popular media has tried to discourage parents from sharing sleep with their babies, calling this worldwide practice unsafe. Medical science, however, doesn’t back this conclusion. In fact, research shows that co-sleeping is actually safer than sleeping alone. Here is what science says about sleeping with your baby:
Research shows that co-sleeping infants virtually never startle during sleep and rarely cry during the night, compared to solo sleepers who startle repeatedly throughout the night and spend 4 times the number of minutes crying 1. Startling and crying releases adrenaline, which increases heart rate and blood pressure, interferes with restful sleep and leads to long term sleep anxiety.
Stable physiology
Studies show that infants who sleep near to parents have more stable temperatures 2, regular heart rhythms, and fewer long pauses in breathing compared to babies who sleep alone 3. This means baby sleeps physiologically safer.
Decreases risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome
Worldwide research shows that the SIDS rate is lowest (and even unheard of) in countries where co-sleeping is the norm, rather than the exception 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Babies who sleep either in or next to their parents’ bed have a fourfold decrease in the chance of SIDS 10. Co-sleeping babies actually spend more time sleeping on their back or side 1 which decreases the risk of SIDS. Further research shows that the carbon dioxide exhaled by a parent actually works to stimulate baby’s breathing 11.
Long term emotional health
Co-sleeping babies grow up with a higher self-esteem, less anxiety, become independent sooner, are better behaved in school 12, and are more comfortable with affection 13. They also have less psychiatric problems 14.
Safer than crib sleeping
The Consumer Product Safety Commission published data that described infant fatalities in adult beds. These same data, however, showed more than 3 times as many crib related infant fatalities compared to adult bed accidents 15. Another recent large study concluded that bed sharing did NOT increase the risk of SIDS, unless the mom was a smoker or abused alcohol 16.
- McKenna, J., et al, “Experimental studies of infant-parent co-sleeping: Mutual physiological and behavioral influences and their relevance to SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).” Early Human Development 38 (1994)187-201.
- C. Richard et al., “Sleeping Position, Orientation, and Proximity in Bedsharing Infants and Mothers,” Sleep 19 (1996): 667-684.
- Touch in Early Development, T. Field, ed. (Mahway, New Jersey: Lawrence Earlbaum and Assoc., 1995).
- “SIDS Global Task Force Child Care Study” E.A.S. Nelson et al., Early Human Development 62 (2001): 43-55
- A. H. Sankaran et al., “Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and Infant Care Practices in Saskatchewan, Canada,” Program and Abstracts, Sixth SIDS International Conference, Auckland, New Zealand, February 8-11, 2000.
- D. P. Davies, “Cot Death In Hong Kong: A Rare Problem?” The Lancet 2 (1985): 1346-1348.
- N. P. Lee et al., “Sudden Infant Death Syndrome in Hong Kong: Confirmation of Low Incidence,” British Medical Journal 298 (1999): 72.
- S. Fukai and F. Hiroshi, “1999 Annual Report, Japan SIDS Family Association,” Sixth SIDS International Conference, Auckland, New Zealand, 2000.
- E. A. S. Nelson et al., “International Child Care Practice Study: Infant Sleeping Environment,” Early Human Development 62 (2001): 43-55.
- P. S. Blair, P. J. Fleming, D. Bensley, et al., “Where Should Babies Sleep – Along or With Parents? Factors Influencing the Risk Of SIDS in the CESDI Study,” British Medical Journal 319 (1999): 1457-1462.
- SIDS book, page 227, #162
- P. Heron, “Non-Reactive Cosleeping and Child Behavior: Getting a Good Night’s Sleep All Night, Every Night,” Master’s thesis, Department of Psychology, University of Bristol, 1994.
- M. Crawford, “Parenting Practices in the Basque Country: Implications of Infant and Childhood Sleeping Location for Personality Development” Ethos 22, no 1 (1994): 42-82.
- J. F. Forbes et al., “The Cosleeping Habits of Military Children,” Military Medicine 157 (1992): 196-200.
- D. A. Drago and A. L. Dannenberg, “Infant Mechanical Suffocation Deaths in the United States, 1980-1997,” Pediatrics 103, no. 5 (1999): e59.
- R. G. Carpenter et al., “Sudden Unexplained Infant Death in 20 Regions in Europe: Case Control Study,” Lancet 2004; 363: 185-191.
Cosleeping by Tami E. Breazeale | |
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Dr. Sears Addresses Recent Co-Sleeping Concerns
Since I’m a show-me-the-science doctor, consider the following:
- Cultures who traditionally practice safe co-sleeping, such as Asians, enjoy the lowest incidence of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
- Trusted research by Dr. James McKenna, Director of the Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory of the University of Notre Dame, showed that mothers and babies who sleep close to each other enjoy similar protective sleep patterns. Mothers enjoy a heightened awareness of their baby’s presence, what I call a “nighttime sleep harmony,” that protects baby. The co-sleeping mother is more aware if her baby’s well-being is in danger.
- Babies who sleep close to their mothers enjoy “protective arousal,” a state of sleep that enables them to more easily awaken if their health is in danger, such as breathing difficulties.
- Co-sleeping makes breastfeeding easier, which provides many health benefits for mother and baby.
- More infant deaths occur in unsafe cribs than in parents’ bed.
- Co-sleeping tragedies that have occurred have nearly always been associated with dangerous practices, such as unsafe beds, or parents under the influence of substances that dampen their awareness of baby.
- Research shows that co-sleeping infants cry less during the night, compared to solo sleepers who startle repeatedly throughout the night and spend 4 times the number of minutes crying. Startling and crying releases adrenaline, which can interfere with restful sleep and leads to long term sleep anxiety.
- Infants who sleep near to parents have more stable temperatures, regular heart rhythms, and fewer long pauses in breathing compared to babies who sleep alone. This means baby sleeps physiologically safer.
- A recent large study concluded that bed sharing did NOT increase the risk of SIDS, unless the mom was a smoker or abused alcohol.
See this article for all the research references supporting the above statements.
Parents often ask me, “Where should my baby sleep?” I respond, “Wherever you and your baby enjoy the best night’s sleep.” For most parents, this will be sleeping close enough to enjoy easy access to their baby for feeding and comforting.
For safe co-sleeping:
- We recommend using a bassinet that attaches safely and securely to parents’ bed, which allows both mother and baby to have their own sleeping space, while baby still enjoys sleeping close to mommy for easier feeding and comforting.
- If bed-sharing, practice these safe precautions:
- Place babies to sleep on their backs.
- Be sure there are no crevices between the mattress and guardrail or headboard that allows baby’s head to sink into.
- Do not allow anyone but mother to sleep next to the baby, since only mothers have that protective awareness of baby. Place baby between mother and a guardrail, not between mother and father. Father should sleep on the other side of mother.
- Don’t fall asleep with baby on a cushy surface, such as a beanbag, couch, or wavy waterbed.
- Don’t bed-share if you smoke or are under the influence of drugs, alcohol, or medications that affect your sleep.
We have enjoyed sleeping close to our own babies. I have promoted safe co-sleeping in our pediatric practice for nearly 40 years and have witnessed only positive outcomes, such as: babies sleep and grow better; promotes better bonding; breastfeeding is easier; and infants grow up with a healthy sleep attitude, regarding sleep as a pleasant state to enter and a fearless state to remain in.
Finally, I would like to clarify some nighttime parenting terms: “Co-sleeping” means sleeping close enough to baby for easy comforting, such as in a bedside cosleeper. “Bed-sharing” means mother and baby sleep side-by-side in an adult bed. If bed-sharing makes you uncomfortable in any way, I recommend the use of an Arm’s Reach Co-sleeper® Bassinet so you can continue to co-sleep confidently.
Because I highly value safe sleeping arrangements, I have thoroughly researched this subject. If you wish to read my research references that go into co-sleeping and bed-sharing in scientific detail, as well as more practical and safe nighttime parenting practices, consult the following:
Scientific Benefits of Co-Sleeping
Safe Co-sleeping Habits
7 Benefits of Sleeping Close to Your Baby
Co-Sleeping: Yes, No, Sometimes?
As well as our books, which can be ordered here:
The Baby Sleep Book, by William Sears, Martha Sears, James Sears, and Robert Sears, Little Brown, 2005
The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby From Birth to Age Two, William Sears, Martha Sears, James Sears, Robert Sears, Little Brown, 2003.
SIDS: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding and Preventing Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, William Sears, Little Brown, 1995.
From our family to your family, we wish you a safe and comfortable night’s sleep!
Dr. Bill and Martha Sears

SIDS: The Latest Research on How Sleeping With Your Baby is Safe
The conclusion that the researchers drew from this study was that sleeping with an infant in an adult bed is dangerous and should never be done. This sounds like a reasonable conclusion, until you consider the epidemic of SIDS as a whole. During the 8-year period of this study, about 34,000 total cases of SIDS occurred in the U.S. (around 4250 per year). If 65 cases of non-SIDS accidental death occurred each year in a bed, and about 4250 cases of actual SIDS occurred overall each year, then the number of accidental deaths in an adult bed is only 1.5% of the total cases of SIDS.
There are two pieces of critical data that are missing that would allow us to determine the risk of SIDS or any cause of death in a bed versus a crib.
- How many cases of actual SIDS occur in an adult bed versus in a crib?
- How many babies sleep with their parents in the U.S., and how many sleep in cribs?
The data on the first question is available, but has anyone examined it? In fact, one independent researcher examined the CPSC’s data and came to the opposite conclusion than did the CPSC – this data supports the conclusion that sleeping with your baby is actually SAFER than not sleeping with your baby (see Mothering Magazine Sept/Oct 2002).
As for the second question, many people may think that very few babies sleep with their parents, but we shouldn’t be too quick to assume this. The number of parents that bring their babies into their bed at 4 am is probably quite high. Some studies have shown that over half of parents bring their baby into bed with them at least part of the night. And the number that sleep with their infants the whole night is probably considerable as well. In fact, in most countries around the world sleeping with your baby is the norm, not the exception. And what is the incidence of SIDS in these countries?
During the 1990s, in Japan the rate was only one tenth of the U.S. rate, and in Hong Kong, it was only 3% of the U.S. rate. These are just two examples. Some countries do have a higher rate of SIDS, depending on how SIDS is defined.
Until a legitimate survey is done to determine how many babies sleep with their parents, and this is factored into the rate of SIDS in a bed versus a crib, it is unwarranted to state that sleeping in a crib is safer than a bed.
If the incidence of SIDS is dramatically higher in crib versus a parent’s bed, and because the cases of accidental smothering and entrapment are only 1.5% of the total SIDS cases, then sleeping with a baby in your bed would be far safer than putting baby in a crib.
The answer is not to tell parents they shouldn’t sleep with their baby, but rather to educate them on how to sleep with their infants safely.
Now the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission and the Juvenile Products Manufacturer’s Association are launching a campaign based on research data from 1999, 2000, and 2001. During these three years, there have been 180 cases of non-SIDS accidental deaths occurring in an adult bed. Again, that’s around 60 per year, similar to statistics from 1990 to 1997. How many total cases of SIDS have occurred during these 3 years? Around 2600 per year. This decline from the previous decade is thought to be due to the “back to sleep” campaign – educating parents to place their babies on their back to sleep. So looking at the past three years, the number of non-SIDS accidental deaths is only 2% of the total cases of SIDS.
A conflict of interest?
Who is behind this new national campaign to warn parents not to sleep with their babies? In addition to the USCPSC, the Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association (JPMA) is co-sponsoring this campaign. The JPMA? An association of crib manufacturers. This is a huge conflict of interest. Actually, this campaign is exactly in the interest of the JPMA.
What does the research say? The September/October 2002 issue of Mothering Magazine presents research done throughout the whole world on the issue of safe sleep. Numerous studies are presented by experts of excellent reputation. And what is the magazine’s conclusion based on all this research? That not only is sleeping with your baby safe, but it is actually much safer than having your baby sleep in a crib. Research shows that infants who sleep in a crib are twice as likely to suffer a sleep related fatality (including SIDS) than infants who sleep in bed with their parents.
Education on safe sleep. I do support the USCPSC’s efforts to research sleep safety and to decrease the incidence of SIDS, but I feel they should go about it differently. Instead of launching a national campaign to discourage parents from sleeping with their infants, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission should educate parents on how to sleep safely with their infants if they choose to do so.
Here are some ways to educate parents on how to sleep safely with their baby:
- Use an Arm’s Reach® Co-Sleeper® Bassinet. An alternative to
sleeping with baby in your bed is the Arm’s Reach® Co-Sleeper®. This crib-like bed fits safely and snuggly adjacent to parent’s bed. The co-sleeper® arrangement gives parents and baby their own separate sleeping spaces yet, keeps baby within arm’s reach for easy nighttime care. To learn more about the Arm’s Reach® Co-Sleeper® Bassinet visit www.armsreach.com.
- Take precautions to prevent baby from rolling out of bed, even though it is unlikely when baby is sleeping next to mother. Like heat-seeking missiles, babies automatically gravitate toward a warm body. Yet, to be safe, place baby between mother and a guardrail or push the mattress flush against the wall and position baby between mother and the wall. Guardrails enclosed with plastic mesh are safer than those with slats, which can entrap baby’s limbs or head. Be sure the guardrail is flush against the mattress so there is no crevice that baby could sink into.
- Place baby adjacent to mother, rather than between mother and father. Mothers we have interviewed on the subject of sharing sleep feel they are so physically and mentally aware of their baby’s presence even while sleeping, that it’s extremely unlikely they would roll over onto their baby. Some fathers, on the other hand, may not enjoy the same sensitivity of baby’s presence while asleep; so it is possible they might roll over on or throw out an arm onto baby. After a few months of sleep-sharing, most dads seem to develop a keen awareness of their baby’s presence.
- Place baby to sleep on his back.
- Use a large bed, preferably a queen-size or king-size. A king-size bed may wind up being your most useful piece of “baby furniture.” If you only have a cozy double bed, use the money that you would ordinarily spend on a fancy crib and other less necessary baby furniture and treat yourselves to a safe and comfortable king-size bed.
- Some parents and babies sleep better if baby is still in touching and hearing distance, but not in the same bed. For them, a bedside co-sleeper is a safe option.
Here are some things to avoid:
- Do not sleep with your baby if:
- You are under the influence of any drug (such as alcohol or tranquilizing medications) that diminishes your sensitivity to your baby’s presence. If you are drunk or drugged, these chemicals lessen your arousability from sleep.
- You are extremely obese. Obesity itself may cause sleep apnea in the mother, in addition to the smothering danger of pendulous breasts and large fat rolls.
- You are exhausted from sleep deprivation. This lessens your awareness of your baby and your arousability from sleep.
- You are breastfeeding a baby on a cushiony surface, such as a waterbed or couch. An exhausted mother could fall asleep breastfeeding and roll over on the baby.
- You are the child’s baby-sitter. A baby-sitter’s awareness and arousability is unlikely to be as acute as a mother’s.
- Don’t allow older siblings to sleep with a baby under nine months. Sleeping children do not have the same awareness of tiny babies as do parents, and too small or too crowded a bed space is an unsafe sleeping arrangement for a tiny baby.
- Don’t fall asleep with baby on a couch. Baby may get wedged between the back of the couch and the larger person’s body, or baby’s head may become buried in cushion crevices or soft cushions.
- Do not sleep with baby on a free-floating, wavy waterbed or similar “sinky” surface in which baby could suffocate.
- Don’t overheat or overbundle baby. Be particularly aware of overbundling if baby is sleeping with a parent. Other warm bodies are an added heat source.
- Don’t wear lingerie with string ties longer than eight inches. Ditto for dangling jewelry. Baby may get caught in these entrapments.
- Avoid pungent hair sprays, deodorants, and perfumes. Not only will these camouflage the natural maternal smells that baby is used to and attracted to, but foreign odors may irritate and clog baby’s tiny nasal passages. Reserve these enticements for sleeping alone with your spouse.
Parents should use common sense when sharing sleep. Anything that could cause you to sleep more soundly than usual or that alters your sleep patterns can affect your baby’s safety. Nearly all the highly suspected (but seldom proven) cases of fatal “overlying” I could find in the literature could have been avoided if parents had observed common sense sleeping practices.
The bottom line is that many parents share sleep with their babies. It can be done safely if the proper precautions are observed. The question shouldn’t be “is it safe to sleep with my baby?”, but rather “how can I sleep with my baby safely.” The data on the incidence of SIDS in a bed versus a crib must be examined before the medical community can make a judgment on sleep safety in a bed.
To read more about SIDS, click here
While, it is fun to see my M.Ed thesis quoted places, it would be preferable if you would include a link to the original site where the remainder of the thesis is posted, rather than to the Natural Child Project page (the author of which got permission to use the text and includes the full cite reference.)